Joke Silva gets her “vex” on

Yesterday’s episode of Project Fame was explosive- and not musically speaking! It seemed like for once the judges and faculty couldn’t hide their irritation at each other.

Joke Silva and Asa during the latter's visit to Project Fame

Joke Silva dropping the “Ms. Benevolent” act went all ghetto on the judges, rolling her eyes and stopping shot of snapping her fingers.

“Excuse me, but why are the judges so defensive?” she asked and Kwame replied in a mincing tone, “Excuse me, but why is the faculty suddenly acting like cheerleaders?”

(Or statements close that.)

Lagba with Judges: Kwame, Bibi, Nomoreloss and TY-Mix

Even when Nomoreless tried to step in to clear whatever misconception that the faculty was getting from the judges critique of the contestants, Ms. Silva would not let go!

“We made the excuses, thank you,” she said nastily, getting the last word in.

The bone of contention was the performance of Christian, one of the contestants from Ghana. According to the judges, his rendition of the Bob Dylan song, If You Don’t Know Me By Now, although rendered in a lovely singing voice, lost all meaning due to Christian’s usual theatrics.

“It’s a mature man’s song,” Kwame said adding that there was only one way to sing it at which Joke Silva countered coldly, “There is no one way of doing anything!”

Really, for all the tension (or excitement as the producers would like to call it) that it caused, one would have rather that the judges and faculty relegated their cat-fights to the dressing room.

The Wande Coal Nude Saga!

Wande or not Wande (Photo: Questionmarkmag.com)

Read full article here.

Over-aged Stars

It as has been said (by me) that too much “celebrity” too early saps your youth.  Here are some starlets who seem to be living out this adage.

I am way older than Lindsay but I bet you since she turned  twenty she has gotten only the opposite of the kind of compliments I get like, “Oh Onyi! You look so much younger than your age.” ; )

Check out this video from Funny or Die (Will Ferrel’s comedy site). To put it mildly, she looked forty. Anyway this was just after her infamous breakup with Sam Ronson so maybe the strain and all that got to her and literally stole years from her.

What was Miley thinking with the whole get-up? Ok, I am not against people wanting to grow-up and shed the child-star image but at least let it be at a certain pace! Miley here looks like Madonna in her fifties! If you are going to look way over your age pick your get-up well.  And they complain when their career ends way too soon. And why not when at twenty you start to look like you need the kind of anti-ageing treatment Meryl Streep uses.

In Beyonce’s case. it is an issue of Is she? or Isn’t she? I was in my teens when Beyonce first stepped out with Destiny’s Child and even back then it was hard to believe that she was 17. Now Beyonce is 29 and relating that age withthe face, still takes some doing. Ask me to guess her age and I would say 35 or at least 32. What’s with the football age, Beyonce? A few more years won’t decrease your celebrity shelf life!

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are both 24. Except for Ashley on the left, you might as well doubt that when you see Mary-Kate. And BTW, what’s with the pursed lips… ALL THE TIME. It’s like a Beckham (Victoria) with the not-so-sexy pout.

Seems like the recommended age for botox has plunged…

Onyinye Muomah

Emeka Ike wins Gulder Ultimate Search

Last Celebrity Standing

At the closing and prize presentation ceremony where we were reunited with all contestants it was Daddy Showkey’s statement that best described Emeka Ike’s win.  “Dis man na cunny man,” Showkey declared.

Emeka Ike, the quintessential opportunist sat back and allowed Darey do the brain work, Showkey the grunt work while he lazily “waddled” in to scoop the prize from where others have dug.

Of course no one believed the Ultimate Celebrity man when he declared after he was given the ceremonial cheque, “It’s not about the money.”

Yeah, right!

…with Darey Art Alade

Photos courtesy gulderultimatesearch.tv

NEXT @ MBGN: What We Wish We Had Not Worn.

*click on pics for full image.

“Don’t we just look fine and classy?”

“Oh yes we do! Ha ha ha!!!”

“By the way, did I mention that my boobs have got eyes?”

“Oh, the pearls? Well, it was one of those days when I decide to empty my jewellry box. The excess goes beautifully with my make-up, don’t you think?

“So, how do I look?!”

Oh girl, haven’t you ever heard of tapes? Obviously, not! A strapless bra, at least? hmmm?

Guy on the left: “Hey, look man, no one said anything about being formal. And by the way, I am all Hip-Hop, Dawg!!

Love the Geek look but the hair! Heard Tin-Tin auditions is just round the corner(the Spielberg Movie comes out in 2011). Oh, no wonder!

“Hey, based on my profession, I am allowed to be a fashion victim!”

“It was copied from an original. From one my mom used to have in the eighties when they were called power suits.”

“Nooo, oh! They are not as sharp as they look.” *chuckle*

“Meet my sister. We were actually hired to sweep the red carpet after the show.”

“Who said! Kente is still very much in vogue! And it looks good on the red- I mean, tiled floor too!”

“Don’t worry, I am planning on wearing black to the Pink Ball.”

“What’s wrong? Is it my over-large bag or my garish over-long top with the horrible panels that reminds one of some masquerade’s costume?

*All photos by ABIODUN OMOTOSHO for NEXT and 234NEXT.com

Celebrity Divorce, Nigerian style.

The story on our website (and Friday paper) starts like this:

The Toni Payne and 9ice divorce saga is apparently far from over. With rumours spreading that a mutual acquaintance of the couple, Ruggedman played a role in the break up, the tale takes a brand new twist.

Sounds familiar?

Flash back: Femi and Funke Kuti.

According to several soft sell magazines at that time, the breakup was caused by Funke’s affairs with “several men” including two celebrities , Eddie Remedy (now ex-hubby of Kenny St. Brown) and Gbenga Adeyinka the 1st. Some magazines even went as far as printing excerpts from text messages sent to Funke’s phone by some of her “boyfriends”.

Flashback II: Taribo and Atinuke West.

Fellow footballer Sunday Oliseh, was implicated in the break-up of the couple’s short-lived marriage.

And now, “the Toni Payne/9ice saga”.

Some of the wind that seems to be fanning the flames stems from 9ice’s song “Once bitten Twice Shy” from his latest album. Even though the couple did not give an actual reason for their breakup, there are some who believe the song is more or less a tell-all without names.

Toni Payne has denied the rumours that she is the person her ex-husband is referring to in the song even going as far to make a plea on her facebook status that the person who sang the song should please state precisely the persons he is singing about.

To make matters worse a face has been put on the so-called friend amidst more denials. The man with the unfortunate face Ruggedy Baba, like Toni Payne, is not taking the recent insinuations lying down. According to recent reports, there has been  a leak of a phone call he made to 9ice asking him to come out and stop the rumours.

So far the only one who does not seem bothered by the rabid rumours surrounding the  previously unceremonious breakup of his marriage is the man with two pockets.

Hey, every publicity is good publicity and if it helps album sales why put an end to a good thing, hein?

We understand you, Adigun but wethinks it’s about time you consider other reputations too and come out straight on the nodder and the noddee.  After all, if you could release official press-statement over your separation and divorce to avoid ill-rumours  (according to your publicist) you can also do same for the cause of both and for the same reason.

And if indeed the rumours are true, it would be sort of crass and cruel of 9ice to turn such a “private” matter into a hit song.

Advice to Payne: Rumours not-with-standing Funke Kuti went ahead to make a great life for herself post-Femi. You could do the same. Don’t dwell on what’s not true… if it’s not. Remember the phrase: Stick and Stones may break my bones…

As  for Ruggedman: Some were not even aware of the rumours till the recording of the call was made  public. So is this some pubilicity gimmick? Like your biff with Eedris…

Trust celebrities when they run out of ways to entertain us, they just throw out some dirty laundry and opt to do them in public. What some fail to remember is that sometimes dirty laundry gets blown away by the wind (by this we mean, self-peddled rumours soon get out of hand.)

If anybody (Tuface, for example) ever advised you on a good image, they probably told you (all of you)  that it can’t be bought. It is earned.  Please maintain it. No one ever really wants to know what they don’t need to know.

Give us some good old entertainment and keep your nasty sides to yourselves. This is Nigeria where bad publicity is bad publicity! Once again, ask Tuface.

Onyinye Muomah